Character Esprit: Bringing Character to Life with Laurie Gray

Imagine a parenting book that doesn't tell parents what to do, but teaches the art of self-discovery using the same methods parents can use to encourage their children's growth and learning. As an experienced language teacher, trial attorney, and parent, Laurie Gray is writing a book inspired by Socrates, Plato's teacher.


A recent Q & A with Laurie:

1. What does leadership mean to you?
For me, there is only one way to lead—by example.  The only person that I can truly discipline or control is myself.  I can disciple others and also empower them by helping them develop their ability to think for themselves and encouraging them to become more aware of their innate abilities and connection to everyone around them. 

2. How do you incorporate leadership as well as the essential habits of character into your family, business, life? 
-By feeling grateful for the life and resources we’ve been given and finding the passions that are ours to pursue. 
-By choosing always to act with kindness and compassion. 
-By recognizing that the “ends” never justify the “means.”  Anytime you use the negative tools of fear, force or manipulation the end you achieve isn’t really an end, but the beginning of a new revolution.  Revolution is a revolving door that leads you right back to where you were:  in a power struggle or conflict.  Effective leaders guide us toward positive EVOLUTION, not REVOLUTION. 

3. What impact do you think character has on children? On communities?
Human beings learn character the same way that they learn language—from the people around them.  The ability exists innately, but is initially learned and expressed by imitation.  My daughter was born with the innate ability to learn any language, but she thinks and speaks in English because that’s the language she’s been submerged in her whole life.  Too often we try to teach character as a “foreign language.”  Do as I say, not as I do.  Or just do as I tell you because I said so…because I know what’s right and what’s best for you.  That’s not how character works.

4. How can children affect leadership? 
By knowing, embracing and loving themselves and by recognizing and appreciating their connection to others.  

My two favorite teachers in the order of their appearance on earth are Socrates and Jesus.  Socrates believed in the Delphic Oracle’s commission to “Know yourself.”  Jesus said the two great commandments were to love God with all your heart, soul and mind and to love your neighbor as yourself.  Regardless of religion, children need to know that there is a source of Life, call it God or the Universe or whatever, that is beyond human comprehension and control.  When you allow that source to be your inspiration and commit your whole self—body, mind and spirit—to the exploration of that source, you naturally develop leadership potential.  I think people generally do love their neighbors as themselves, the problem being that they don’t really know and love themselves.  When children are taught to truly love and accept themselves, they will develop their natural ability to love others and become better leaders in the process.   

5. What is one thing you could recommend to others so they, too, can bring
character to life?
In a word:  THINK.  Our ability to think for ourselves is the key to character.  There’s nothing more useless than a mind full of someone else’s thoughts.  Descartes said, “I think; therefore, I am.”  When we raise our children to be obedient and conform to our expectations, we rob them of the character that is innately theirs, just waiting to be developed.

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An experienced trial attorney and child advocate, Laurie is the founder of Socratic Parenting, LLC (www.SocraticParenting.com), co-creator of Token of Change™ (www.TokenofChange.com)  and a consultant for Sophie’s Café (www.SophiesCafe.org).  She is a former columnist for Fort Wayne Woman magazine and has published numerous articles.  Laurie also served on the faculty at the 25^th and 26^th National Symposiums on Child Abuse in Huntsville, Alabama in 2009 and 2010.